Monkey Boy's Playground

Tales of the Drunken Monkey

Oz the Kung Fu Cat

Monkey Boy AJ

Year?  The future.  Time?  Late summer.  Day?  Alright, look, I’m trying to tell a freaking story here!  Who cares about all this exposition crap?

When we last left our hero he was searching for the now on-the-run Oranga-TANG.  Unfortunately, Drunken Monkey has been unable to locate Oranga-TANG.  And to make matters worse, the Evil Crime Syndicate is on the war path towards Town.  The Evil Crime Syndicate has laid waste through most of the counties of State as they seek out their enemy.  Drunken Monkey will not be able to face The Evil Crime Syndicate alone; and luckily he won’t; a new ally is on the way.

“Man I hate wearing this ski mask and shirt outfit.  I really need to have Sarah make me a more official costume.  Ugh…………ugh where are those crooks, they escaped into this area-there they are.”  Drunken Monkey spots the criminals that he is on looking for.  He jumps off of his perch atop the building above and uses one of the robbery suspects to cushion his landing.  DM quickly gets to his feet and tackles the other man as he tries to flee.  DM uses rope to rodeo tie the perpetrators and leaves them in view for the police who are searching for the same two men.

“Well guys it’s been a blast, but it’s time for me to go home and call it a night.”  Drunken Monkey slowly floats to about two feet in the air and then shoots off into the distance.  Unfortunately, DM, and the police have yet to piece the puzzle together that these, and the criminals that they have been fighting for the past weeks, are low level members of The Evil Crime Syndicate.  The ECS is more than just your average grouping of criminals, they are terrorists.  They have caused widespread destruction throughout many counties in the state, and are now in the process of making plans to level Town.

“Sarah you home?”

“Hi DM, did you get any bad guys?”

“Yeah, two robbers-we got any good snack food?”

“Just the usual.”

“Ugh.”

After examining the cupboards twice, Drunken Monkey finds nothing that interests him.  With the feeling of dissatisfaction he retires to his place on the couch next to Sarah to watch the daily eleven o-clock news.  The news topics for tonight; of course the robbery in the South End, an arrest made in connection with an arson fire two weeks ago in the lower North End; and the heat way coming mid week.  SSDD.  The news also touches on the happenings of The Evil Crime Syndicate.  The police know that the syndicate is in Town but they are unable to secure any information on the group, and are calling out to the citizens of Town for help- “Report anything suspicious.”  After the news Drunken Monkey heads for bed.  He will start his search again in the morning.

“Come on we can hide down here!”

“Find something we can use for a weapon, we have got to kill that cat!”

“Surely you speak not of this cat?”

“AHHHHH!!”

“Come back here I’m not finished with you yet!”

These two, fine, upstanding criminals, are playing the mouse to Oz the Kung Fu Cat.  Oz closes in on the men and tackles each of them to the ground and renders them unconscious.  He leaves a note for the police stating that the two criminals are known members of the ECS, and that if they say otherwise, they should be beaten until they confess.  Now that the criminals are dealt with, Oz returns to the task he was distracted from, finding Drunken Monkey.  Oz is seeking out DM to warn him of what he is up against with the ECS, and to hopefully form an alliance with him to bring The Evil Crime Syndicate to justice. 

Be the fact that he, Oz, is a cat whom can talk, he must hide in the shadows of street corners and asks passersby if they know anything about the elusive monkey.  After  afew hours of hard questioning, one of the passersby tell Oz that Drunken Monkey is often seen hanging around the warehouse district, a place of constant trouble.  With this information, Oz leaves for the warehouse district.

“Okay everybody, this is a stick-up.  You all know the drill, on the floor face down, all you behind the counter start emptying that vault.”

“Are you that stupid?  There’s a sign posted right outside that say this place is protected by me, Drunken Monkey.”

“You’re nothing.”

“We’ll see about that.”

The robber and Drunken Monkey start fighting.  Fists and feet fly.  The robber manages to land a solid blow to DM sending him across the lobby.  Enraged DM uses an Impossible Grab-n-Throw Attack to slam the criminal against a wall.  With the man stunned DM places him in a choke hold.

The criminal tries to insult DM, “Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries.”

DM, unfazed, squeezes tight on his choke hold, but before the man passes out, he utters, “You can beat me, but you can never defeat The Evil Crime Syndicate!”

Now, fully pissed, Drunken Monkey, squeezes on the hold he has the man even tighter, rendering him unconscious.  DM waits for the police to arrive.  He informs them of the man’s comment about the ECS.  The police tell DM that they have heard rumors about this group, but have been unsuccessful in acquiring any hard leads or real information.  DM resolves to help the police in all ways that he can to gather all the leads and information he can about the ECS.  With the night still young Drunken Monkey decides to head for the docks in hopes of finding a good fight.

“Do you think we lost him?!”

“I don’t know man!”

“You guys running from someone?” Drunken Monkey drops in on two men on the run.  “What the good God happened to your face?  Did you get into a fight with a cat or something?”

“Dude, I surrender!”

“Yeah, me too, just tie us up.”

An average looking tabby cat, strolls up on the group, “Good you caught ‘em.” 

Drunken Monkey, not overly surprised by the site of another talking animal deals out the sarcasm, “So this dude did get into a fight with a cat.”

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