Tales of the Drunken Monkey

 Orijin of the Munken Dronkey

Monkey Boy AJ

Year?  The future.  Time?  Midsummer.  Day?  Irrelevant.  The place is your average run of the mill nuclear power plant, outside of Town.  The reason that the power plant bears mention in our story will soon come to light.  For now simply read on.  And learn how the Drunken Monkey came to be.

           

            Bob has been with the Town Nuclear Power Company for many an unknown year.  Today is a momentous day for Bob; he has been informed that as of next week he will be receiving a ten cent raise.  To celebrate this moment, Bob has smuggled in whiskey for his lunch break.  He takes the booze to his friends in the labs, and the party starts.  Bob is only able to smuggle a single bottle of rather cheap whiskey, thus he has to stretch what he has, by watering it down.  Bob caught up in the moment, reaches for the nearest water that he can find.  He unknowingly grabs radioactive test water from one of the cooling tanks.  Bob uses the water to dilute his whiskey.  After only one round of the horrid stuff that Bob called whiskey, the party is over.  Bob funnels what is left back into the bottle to take home.

 

            Late that night, while Bob is watching TV he feels the need for a drink.  He makes his way to the kitchen.  Upon opening the fridge, he finds that he has nothing of for beer and its brethren.  All he has is the crap from earlier in the day; with this he grabs the “whiskey” and heads for the corner mini-mart.   On his walk to the store he takes a few shots of the “whiskey,” more as of a way to just get rid of it without losing any money.  Just before finishing his long and laborious journey Bob meets a monkey.  The monkey is just your average run of the mill, brown monkey, nothing special.  Bob, being as nice a person as he can, offers the monkey a drink.  Being it night, all the monkey sees is a viscous liquid in a bottle, thinking it is water, he doesn’t hesitate to accept the offer for a drink.  The monkey grasps the bottle and takes in what little is left with one big gulp. 

 

            “Damn… What was that stuff… What am I doing in the bushes…? Where am I even at?”

“Look dear it’s a monkey!”

“You’re right... Hay there … Come here little buddy, honey, call the sheriff… Here want a candy bar?”

“Look how ‘bout you just buzz off.”

“Honey get in the car now; we’re leaving!”

“What, did I say something………… I can talk…… When…………… It had to be… It was that stuff that dude gave me earlier.  I knew it didn’t taste right.  Must have been radioactive or something.  I wonder…”

As the monkey “wonders,” his ability to talk starts to go away.  In somewhat of a panic, the monkey rushes into the mini-mart and begins to raid the coolers.  He grabs whatever he can reach, opens it and downs the contents.  The people in the store pay for their items and promptly leave the premises.  As one of the clerks helps customers the other goes for a broom.  The now armed clerk, preps for an attack run at the monkey destroying his store.  The clerk lands a solid blow to the monkey’s head.  The monkey holds his head for a moment and then returns the favor with a Monkey Uppercut to the clerks chin, knocking him out cold.  The monkey then proceeds to his task of finding that which gave him the power to talk.

“Look lady I’m tellin’ you the truth!  There’s a monkey in the store and he just killed my boss!”

“Where is that stuff… That tastes like grape death… This crap is worse than what I’m looking for… This has got to be it… Nope,” the monkey thinks to himself.

“Uh… Mister Monkey, can you please stop drinking everything and just leave me alone.  Look here’s a candy bar,” as the clerk throws over a Snickers bar.

“Let’s try this… WHOO! NOW THAT’S THE STUFF!”

“Oh… so now you’re a talking monkey.”

“Let’s see, Jack Daniel’s, that’s where it’s at my friend.  What never seen a monkey get drunk?”  At this point a cop car pulls in, and the officer enters the store.

“Hear you got some trouble with a loose monkey... Hello?”

“Oh, good I think this guy over here needs medical attention, and the other dude tried to kill me with a broom so a knocked him out… What?”

“This is patrol TK-421; I need back-up NOW!”

“Should I just leave, or do I need to stay?”

“Freeze right there!”

“OK now that’s a gun you’re pointing at me.  I’m not gonna hurt anybody.”

“I said freeze!”

The monkey makes for the door and the officer opens fire.  The monkey makes it out of the store with the officer close on his tail.  The officer screams at the monkey and fires more shots at him.  The monkey, as though it were second nature, leaps into the air and starts to fly.

“Dude I can fly!  Ha, see ya later dill weed.  Great so now where in the world do I go?  I found the stuff that gives me my powers.  I need to pee.  Suppose I should find a quiet place for that.”

The monkey flies down to a gas station and walks in. He asks the clerk if there is a public restroom.  Upon receiving no reply, the monkey proceeds to search the premises himself.  After locating, and using the restroom, he exits and tries to figure out how to fly again.  As he is continuing to fail, he hears sirens in the distance.  At this he unlocks his ability to fly, and takes off.  The monkey having no home, flies around looking for somewhere he can take shelter for the night.  He finds a quiet and comfortable hammock in a beautiful subdivision.  He makes himself at home, and sleeps the evening’s events off.

 

The monkey awakes to a most beautiful young women standing over him; not more than 24.  She seems to be unalarmed at the fact that there is a monkey sleeping in her hammock.  The kind woman introduces herself as Sarah, and offers the monkey a banana.  The monkey kindly obliges Sarah and takes the fruit and eats it.  He then reaches over and takes a swig of the whiskey to wash the banana down.

“Thanks ma’am.”

“You can talk… cool!”

“Wait you’re not freaked out about a talking monkey?”

“Nope.”

“What did you say your name was?”

“It’s Sarah, pleased to meet you. Do you have a name?”

“No, just call me Monkey for now.”

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